Happy Birthday Mom!

Really today seemed like any other day.. and as the day comes to a close I reflect on how much time has changed everything. You would of been 61 today. I often wonder what you would of been like. I also wonder what my life would be like if you hadn't left your earthly bounds. Its odd really, how people were right when they said time would heal. I do feel a since of healing. I don't cry as much as I used to. I can talk about you most of the time without breaking down. But in a way I feel bad that there is healing. Almost as if I dont love you anymore. Though I know that's not true. This year will be 7 years since you passed on and its hard to believe its already been that long.

Mom, you know I love you.. we have had our share of obstacles and I have prayed on being able to forgive you for the mistakes you made. I know wasn't a perfect child and as a mother now I realize that being the "perfect" mother is impossible. I hope that you are truly happy now.. stress free. We know now how much weighed on your mind and I have a feeling it was only the surface. You tried so hard to make family important. I appreciate that and childhood is some of my best memories. I only hope that I can do the same for my children.

I love you always

Happy Birthday, Happy Mother's day

The Battle in my mind

A battle is being waged in my life.. there is just so much fun to be had and there just doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all. Its a daily debate between.. household duties, scrapping, and now with the weather finally warming up being outside! I love the outdoors.. I love to scrapbook.. I dont like household duties but I do like a clean house so it has to rank up there. I look at other people with the same dilemmas and wonder how they manage to fit it all in. Its not just those things either.. its hanging with friends, game night with the family, a good movie a good book.. I could spend days just doing the things I love to do.

I often think about eliminating something and I have done some purging in my life of obligations and of stuff but I just don't think I have purged enough. I would like to think of myself and a spontaneous type.. but maybe I need a structured schedule. A schedule would allow me to make time for it all. Its exhausting just thinking about it.

In a few days I will have plenty of time to think about it.. we are hittin the road. Doing a little camping (Yet another thing I love to do) and maybe I will find time to reflect and figure out the chaos that is my life.

Happy Trails

Pretty sure I suck at Life

I get a little busy and what happens... things fall by the way side. I either don't know how to manage my time well or I don't know how to say NO. I think its a little of both. I have been taking stock of all the things I do and deciding on what to let go and what I can keep. I did quit one of my part time jobs. Work was definitely taking up a lot of my time. And after June I will no longer be on the PTA board at school. Not that THAT tied up alot of time it just one less commitment I need to keep. Now I am faced with the prospect of giving up my long time love in CTMH. I love the products and I would scrap and create 24/7 if I could but I cant. My business has definitely suffered at the hands of "regular" income but I am not sure I could completely let it go. I figure the next few weeks without the second job I might have more time at home to work on my CTMH stuff and even keep up with other things, such as scrapping and bloggin. But time will tell for sure. Until next time

My Blogging stinks

Ok I admit it.. I am so not with the blogging program its sad. I always have good intentions.. but I just dont follow through. Which makes me think that I need to take a look at myself and my "good intentions" Looking in I know I try very hard to be a lot of things to a lot of people.. only to fail at most of it.

So this year is the year to really take a hard look at my commitments and trim the fat so to speak. I have to admit to myself that I cant be all things to all people and that I have to learn to say NO. Yes.. NO.. NO NO.. ok enough of that.

So a few things that I am going to put down on "paper" so that hopefully it will be committed to my mind.

Number 1. This HAS to be the last year I am on a diet.. I am NOT on a diet anymore but a lifestyle change. Its pretty sad to look back at my High School Memory book to see that "in 10 years- I would be fit and healthy" ok so its more like 20 plus years later but I am no where close to that. So I joined a TKD class at the rec center, plus I am doing a Shred workout at home every day. My daughter is doing it with me so at least now I am committed to sticking
with it.

Number 2. Practicing what I teach.. Yep, I tell people how important it is to record their family histories and memories in scrapbooks..and well, its been easily 4 or more years since I have actually scrapbooked in my own.. officially that is. I have done a page or two for display and such but no quality scrapping. So I will be attending every free crop and a few paid crops I can to accomplish this.. I have a long list of albums I want to work on that I will now work on.. First one being my grandmas heritage album. I started it about oh 6 years or so ago and never finished and now she has passed on so my plan to record her voice, her memories.. are now gone with her. What an incredible opportunity I missed out on because I had "better things to do"

Number 3. Limit my commitments.. I commit to to many things, PTA, Jobies, CTMH stuff among other things. I am finding lately that I am always running around. I am really a homebody at heart and its hard to be that when I always have to be somewhere.

Number 4. (should probably first) Kingdom first. My relationship with God is sketchy at best. I go through phases and I really need to commit to putting my Lord first in everything. I bet I would be amazed at how much that would change my life.

So there you have it.. Big goals but ones that need to be done. Hopefully I will blog more on my progress.. Not sure if anyone is reading it but hey I like to write.. so I will continue.. even if it is for myself