Happy Birthday Mom!

Really today seemed like any other day.. and as the day comes to a close I reflect on how much time has changed everything. You would of been 61 today. I often wonder what you would of been like. I also wonder what my life would be like if you hadn't left your earthly bounds. Its odd really, how people were right when they said time would heal. I do feel a since of healing. I don't cry as much as I used to. I can talk about you most of the time without breaking down. But in a way I feel bad that there is healing. Almost as if I dont love you anymore. Though I know that's not true. This year will be 7 years since you passed on and its hard to believe its already been that long.

Mom, you know I love you.. we have had our share of obstacles and I have prayed on being able to forgive you for the mistakes you made. I know wasn't a perfect child and as a mother now I realize that being the "perfect" mother is impossible. I hope that you are truly happy now.. stress free. We know now how much weighed on your mind and I have a feeling it was only the surface. You tried so hard to make family important. I appreciate that and childhood is some of my best memories. I only hope that I can do the same for my children.

I love you always

Happy Birthday, Happy Mother's day

The Battle in my mind

A battle is being waged in my life.. there is just so much fun to be had and there just doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all. Its a daily debate between.. household duties, scrapping, and now with the weather finally warming up being outside! I love the outdoors.. I love to scrapbook.. I dont like household duties but I do like a clean house so it has to rank up there. I look at other people with the same dilemmas and wonder how they manage to fit it all in. Its not just those things either.. its hanging with friends, game night with the family, a good movie a good book.. I could spend days just doing the things I love to do.

I often think about eliminating something and I have done some purging in my life of obligations and of stuff but I just don't think I have purged enough. I would like to think of myself and a spontaneous type.. but maybe I need a structured schedule. A schedule would allow me to make time for it all. Its exhausting just thinking about it.

In a few days I will have plenty of time to think about it.. we are hittin the road. Doing a little camping (Yet another thing I love to do) and maybe I will find time to reflect and figure out the chaos that is my life.

Happy Trails